Academy for Losers [AU!Homestuck x Male!Reader]

Pairing : Alternate Universe!Homestuck x Human!Male!Adopted Egbert!Reader
Quadrant : ALL THE QUADRANTS!!!! MWHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA (seriously though its probs mostly gonna be the Red shtuff)

Triggers may include but are not limited to #Cussing #Being "related" to Egderp #Being an adopted child #Knowing Dave Strider #Smuppets #Betty Crocker #You're Probably going to be Bisexual because fuck you thats why #Because of your bisexuality there may end up being some Yaoi endings #At one point in time I may force my shippings upon you (I am not sorry for this) #Fuck it you're gay, there will only mostly be gay endings because being gay is awesome, like Dirk, who is awesome and gay and a great contributor to the yaoi fandom #If anyones still reading this I applaud you

*Notes:
- Trolls are still trolls, and live peacefully beside humans without the dreaded Bucket Drone seeking their genetic material.
- Trolls and humans can have interbred kids (only if there is a female human in the mix), but it is pretty rare for this to happen. Like, only about 1/3 of female human and troll interspecies couples can actually have kids.
- The people only know each other over pesterchum, and some of the trolls know each other in real life, but most have never met. There will be no defined matespritships among others till you have chosen a matesprit, I think. But there are some pale pairings. Ones which I ship. Probably. Maybe. You shall never know.
- I would ignore whatever I tried doing with the trolls family situations. Just think of it as them all being related (within their respective families, I mean). Example: Karkat, Kankri, and Signless would all be, in human terms, brothers. What actually would happen is Kankri found Signless, who was around two sweeps old, and Signless decided to take care of him, since they shared blood colors. And later a cute little KK grub found those two talkative dweebs, and they all shared a giant crab lusus and lived a vantasic life as mutants. Similar scenarios with all other troll families.
- With the humans... just... deal with the shit and move on with your bloody lives



~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~



I laid back, listening to the night's song. A restless wind was shaking the entire house. If I didn't know any better I would have thought the ocean had risen up, and had begun to vigorously lap at my door. The only thing keeping from looking outside my window to check this was; one, if this had happened my dear brother would be shrieking like a banshee, out of fear of course; and two, the nice cocoon of blankets I have merged myself in were both too comfy and tightly wound around me to get out of.

My [e/c] gaze eventually wandered away from my veiled window, and to the small pile of bags that resting close to the entrance of my room. Tomorrow I would be leaving. Not alone, of course, Dad was way too clingy to let me leave for a different city all by my lonesome, though he was much more protective over John, which was understandable since he had acted as John's father much longer than he had acted as mine. This was because, in some weird way which I really don't have the patience to remember, Dad and John were both actually related, unlike me, who was just thrown into the Egbert mix somewhere down the line. Not that they treated me any different than a family would, I would guess. The only difference between me and the other two was the insane prankster gene, which, since I was not of their decent, I didn't inherit.
That and being a morning person, I would never be a morning person.
Anyway, John was my younger adoptive brother, who I treated like actual family, in a way. He was really more like a best friend, since he was my best friend. And since he was the only friend of mine that I had met in person. This probably due to my antisocial nature. I had grown up, from age eight and onward, looking after John, who was a year younger than me. We would stay up all hours of the night having Nic Cage marathons, luring unsuspecting victims into admittedly lame pranks, play video games for hours on end (mostly something I dragged John into), and have hour-long group-chat conversations with our friend on pesterchum. Again, it might be just the slightest bit lame that me and my younger brother shared friends, not that I cared.

Back to the shadowed pile of bags. John and I were leaving for a cool high school tomorrow, even if the school didn't actually start for a few months. Dad thought we needed some time to get our things in check.

It was a rather well-known boarding school we are going to attend, called Skaia Academy by most. It was located in some random, out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere kind of place, but the thing that made it so well known was the fact that the entire academy was built like a city. No joke. The Academy itself had buildings that taught from Middle School to College. Outside of the Academic Zone of the Academy was the Town, the Dorms, the Park, and the Library.
The Academic Zone was where all the school buildings were, one for middle school students, three for high school students, and two for college (since most kids that graduated went on to more well-known college's that offered full scholarship, rather than stay in the high-expense academy any longer). The Town was the largest part of the Academy: it basically is a city; it had bars, restaurants, café's, stores, shops, arcades, thrift shops, a theater, a navigation center (which I had a feeling I would be needing to seek out once I got to this extraordinary place), and much, much, more. The Dorms, were basically a bunch of apartment buildings, all scattered throughout various sides of the Town. The North Side, close to the Park, were the high school students dorms; East, near the Library, were the college dorms; and West, near the entrance to the Academy (which was accessible by train only, since a large wall encased the unusual place) where the middle school dorms. The next place would be the Park, which was basically a forest. Various trees and plants grew in the shrouded depths, and the brochures really didn't go into much detail about the place, except for explaining that only high school sophomores and above could enter the place. So I was barely making the mark. The last place on the list would be the Library, which was basically a building, the size of a school itself, dedicated to books. Not much for someone like me, who valued the virtual side of life, but still described grandly enough that I thought it may be worth visiting.
Now that I've described the place (in the best detail I could, knowing its layout only from various brochures and the minimal research I did on the place), everyone is probably wondering how I managed to get into such a place. Average intelligence (unless the subject peaked my interest), average athletic ability (which in the gaming world meant I was like some sort of jock), and average looks (...yeah...I got nothing, can't make up for genetics can ya?). So in the end I was just your normal, average, geeky, video-game entranced teen.
Whose adoptive grandmother was apparently loaded. Thank you Nana, for leaving copious amounts of money behind to put me and John through school. I love you, you old hag.

Moving on, John and I would be leaving tomorrow to this new land of opportunity. Me as a sophomore, in my second year of high school, and John as a freshman, heading off to be burned in the fiery pits of hell, watched over by the heartless demons that guarded its ground, mostly known as the entirety of the teenage race.

On the bright side our friends were attending. Jade, a cheery girl with a bit of a sleeping problem, had a absurdly wealthy grandfather that kept her tucked away on a private island, yet caved in to her obsessive pleading to attend such a prestigious school, along with her brother-cousin person (I'm not good with family tree things), who I hadn't gotten the name of.
On the other hand Dave didn't quite have the money to attend, luckily his sister Rose, also a friend of ours, had a mother who was more than willing to send her "precious ray of sunshine" and her detached son away to a nice school, probably so she could have more time alone with the strange wizard statues that apparently littered the Lalonde's halls.
Also there was something Rose mentioned about some other kids being sent with them, but I didn't always read her conversations all the way through since they were lengthy and laced with sarcasm.

So tomorrow I would be heading off to awesome boarding Academy, where I will meet my totally cool internet friends, with my dorky adoptive younger brother, John. Yeah. That about sums it up.

Yawning, I snuggled into my warm cavern of blankets, letting sleep wash over me as I prepared for the morrow.



Time Skip> Next Day



I watched from my seat by the cold glass window as the outside world mixed together in a blur as the train raced along its tracks. John was sitting in the seat next to me, dozing off in his chair, his phone slipping from his lazy grasp and threatening to fall to the floor.
Sighing I reached over, giving a small yawn myself, and took the electronic, placing it in the shared cup holder between our seats.

We had gotten up early this morning, grabbing our bags and racing to the train station so we wouldn't miss the early ride to our new school, and new home for the time being. Dad had told us that we would be meeting up with one of John's relatives, who would also be attending the Academy. She apparently was a year above me, and shared in the usual Egbert qualities such as an affinity for the color blue, a love of pranks, and the usual buck teeth (according to Dad's description that is). John had been pestering her before he dozed off.

"THAT'S IT! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Some troll yelled from the other end of the railcar. I watched a short, nubby-horned troll marched across the car, throwing the door open, and entering the next car up. I kneeled on my seat, looking over the back of my chair to get a glimpse of who he was talking too. A similar-looking troll with the same nubby-horns was staring, mouth slightly agape, at the door the loud-mouth troll had exited. There were two others at the booth, both trolls. One was a tattooed female, who seemed to be a rainbow drinker, since she was glowing slightly while laughing at "shouty's"exit. The other was a short-haired she-troll with the same horns as the older tattooed one, she looked like she was rolling her eyes at "shouty's" behavior, and a few moments later she stood to tail after the departed troll. Now bored by the ended commotion I turned back to John, who had slept through the whole endeavor. Smiling, I ruffled his black hair and went back to my window watching, hoping the academy's colors would soon show up in the mixed greens and blues of the world outside.



Time Skip >Later that Day



I froze, staring in awe at the sight around. I knew the place was big, but I had never expected it to be this huge! It was probably even bigger than my hometown, for christ's sake. A light tap on my shoulder awoke me from my daze.

"Earth to [Name]," John said, waving his hand in front of my face. I playfully swatted it away, half-heartedly glaring at the blue-eyed boy. "Come on," John said, tugging my sleeve in the opposite direction the crowd of students that had exited the train were heading, "Dave wants to meet us over there," he pointed at a small clock tower that stood proudly next to the train station, that faded brick that made up the old structure looking as if it was about to crumble. I nodded, following John as he raced ahead while I dragged both of our luggage.

Soon three other teens came into view, along with three other piles of bags.

The most noticeable of the trio was a brightly clad girl with long, chocolate brown hair and tanned skin. She wore a bright green shirt with a white paw-print stamped in the center, galaxy-pattern jeans, bright green converse, and plastic wristbands stretching from her risks to practically her elbows. That must be Jade, I thought, seeing her flash a buck-toothed smile.
The other female wasn't nearly as colorfully dressed. She wore a sleeveless black blouse with the collar neatly pressed and the first few buttons undone, revealing milky pale skin, a purple plaid mini-skirt clung neatly to her hips, with black leggings underneath. Her black painted lips were curved in a welcoming smile, and her violet eyes flashed brightly from underneath her silvery platinum-blonde hair, adding to her ghostly appearance. I'm guessing that's Rose... I expected her to be more... gothic? I guess, but she seems pretty normal to me, though the dark color scheme does bring in that effect, I critiqued, only vaguely being aware of my own clothing choice of an obviously over sized black shirt (obvious because it was slipping of my left shoulder, and I hadn't bothered to pull it up) and equally loose jeans (I'm more of a comfort person), which were clad with black-and-white checkered suspenders that I should probably use but... nah, I'm fine like this.
The last of the bunch was who I assumed to be Dave, merely out of deduction. He was waring a red jacket over a white shirt, black jeans, and red converse, along with his infamous ironic Strider shades that I have heard so much about. He also seemed to be wearing some sort of necklace... pendant maybe? It ended in some sort of circular object or charm, I was too far away to tell. Eh, I'll find out soon enough.
So now that I'm, done taking in these people's appearances (something I tended to do when I wanted to find a reason to avoid talking to said person and/or people) I guess its time to talk to them. Right. Yeah. Their my friends. Alive and in the flesh. Wow. Okay, [Name], we can do this, I cheered myself on, still hiding behind John.
I really wasn't a people person.

"John!" Jade squealed, running over and tackle-hugging her half-brother, or whatever the hell they were. I have given up on trying to remember the Egbert family tree. Or any other for that matter. They were all fucked up.

"Woah!" John said, stumbling back a bit, "well, it's good to see you too," he laughed. I watched as Jade released John from her grip, then in a flash I was pulled into a all to unwanted embrace.

"[Name]! It's great to finally see the both of you!" She squealed. I froze, not sure exactly how to react to the contact.

"Yeah," I said, relieved when she let go and skipped back over to Rose and Dave. Dave was high-fiving John, while Rose leaned back against the faded clock tower and watched the scene in front of her with an amused smirk. Opting out of heart filled physical contact I dropped my bags with a huff and walked over to her, leaning against the clock tower and watching while the three dorks- sorry, two dorks and one Strider, chatted on about random things.

"It's cool were all here," I said, not sure how to start a conversation with the girl I had been talking to for, like, years now over the internet.

"Your a lot shyer in real life," Rose commented, I blushed and looked away.

"I just have to get used to you guy's is all..." I mumbled. I could practically feel her raise an eyebrow at the statement.

"Get used to us? Haven't you had years to do that already?" She said, more intrigued than surprised.

"I mean, get used to you being here... where I can see you. People are so much easier to know if you can't see them, if that makes sense," I said, tilting my head a little at my own sentence, "on the internet... its just, you. No face. Heck I didn't even know your name till months after we met, and even after that I didn't know if you were a real person or some weebo in their mothers basement trying to play god and troll other peoples lives," I stopped my rant for a second to glance at the violet-eyed girl sheepishly, "no offense," she just smiled, shaking her head.

"None taken. You do make a valid point thought," she looked back at Jade, John, and Dave, who were all talking like a group of long-time friends meeting up after school, not people who had just met each other in person for the first time ever, "any one of us could be different from what we've been playing ourselves as for the last few years, and yet, for some reason..." we watched as Jade snatched Dave's shades. The blonde teen immediately had his arm covering his face, wandering around blindly with his free arm stretched out, grasping for his striderly being, "I highly doubt it". I nodded.

"Well," I pushed myself from the brick surface of the clocktower, surprised when it stayed in place and didn't topple over and crush me to death, "we should probably head over to the dorms," I said, looking around and taking notice that most of the people had already left. Rose nodded.
The both of us walked over to the rest of group. Rose grabbing her siblings shades from Jade's grip and restoring them to their rightful owner.

"Thanks," Dave breathed, quickly pressing the object into place on his face before any of us could get a good look at his eye color.

"Come on John," I said, grunting as I picked up our luggage, "we have to drop our things off, and then find Jane," John nodded trailing after me and grabbing his backpack from my shoulder.

"So~ I'm guessing you two are rooming together?" Jade said, running up to us, bright red suitcase being dragged behind her. Or we could do that later. Yeah.

"Yup," I replied, waiting for Dave and Rose to catch up before we started our trek onward.

"Cool! Me and Rose don't have roommates, but I think Dave is staying with his brother," Jade said, looking over to Dave for confirmation.

"You have a brother?" I asked, tilting his head to the side. The boy had always talked about his "Bro" but he had never described him as young enough to be attending school, he always seemed like a fatherly figure in some way.

"Yeah, Dirk, he's pretty cool. He's about a year older than you I think," Dave said, "he's friends with Rose's sis," again I looked at Rose. And so the familiar tale of overly confusing family tree's ensues, I thought, waiting patiently for Rose to explain her sisterly situation.

"I do have a sister, if your wanting confirmation," Rose said after a while, "although I don't see her conversing with Dirk too often. Most of the time she's around another girl... I believe you mentioned her name earlier... Jane? That sounds correct. I tend to stay out of her way, she can be a bit... overwhelming at times," Rose went on.

"Oh! And don't forget about Jake!" Jade piped in. Dave nodded.

"Yeah, Dirk practically worships the dude, not that I've ever talked to him myself," the blonde stated.

"Cool, I'll have to meet these people some time, as for now, why don't we take a look at our assignments, me and John are in the "Prospit" Dorm, how about you guys," I said, driving away from the whole family subject. Always a bit of an awkward topic with me... you can guess why I think.

"Aw lame, I'm in Derse," Dave said. I bit my lip in disappointment.

"I'm in a Prospit dorm too, but the girls one," Jade said. I nodded, looking to Rose.

"Derse," she answered simply.

"Hmpf, guess were all in different dorms then, aside from me and John," I said, dismayed that we were all separated.

"Yeah, but they're all in the same area right?," Jade said, picking up her pace so that she was walking in front of the three of us, then turned around, "we'll see each other all the time! Beside, now that I got you all there's no way I'm letting you go~ mwhahahaha-ahhhhh!" she tripped backwards, falling onto her toppled-over red suitcase. We stood there in silence for a minute before everyone broke into a fit of giggles.

"What are you asshole's laughing at?!" an annoyed voice came from not far off. I turned on my heels, coming face to face with "shouty", the nubby-horned troll from the train ride.

"Why'd ya want to know?" I asked, to distracted from my earlier laughter to let my shyness faze me. The troll rolled his eyes.

"Because the irritating sound of your maddening laughter is making my auricular sponge clots want to commit suicide, and I would be ever-so-fucking pleased if you would shut your gogdamn windholes and stop making that horrid noise," the troll said, crossing his arms and glaring at the four of us.

"Sure," I said, not seeing a reason not to a agree, "by the way, what's your name? You were on the train earlier with some other guys right?" I asked, looking around for his companions. There was no one else around.

"I really don't see why the hell I should have to give my name to you dolts, especially seeing as you seemed to be fucking stalking me, but since I'm a generous troll, and sympathetic to the fact that the lot of you retarded nookwhiffers are probably lacking the ability to use your fucking think pans, assuming you sad assholes actually have think pans, I'll give you the honor. My name's Karkat Vantas," Karkat said, looking at us with disdain. I could hear John and Dave whispering to each other behind me, and someone was... growling(?). Whatever. The strange troll intrigued me.

"'K, I'm [Name] [L/Name]. These nerds are John, Dave, Jade, and Rose," I said, gesturing over my shoulder with my thumb, "its a pleasure to meet you," I said offering a smile. Are we doing this? Are we being social! Wow, [Name], I am really proud of you *sniffle**gulp* you grew up so fast, son, I mentally rolled my eyes at myself. Karkat seemed a little surprised I was being so welcoming towards him, and just sort of nodded at me in response. "Sooo, what brings you over here," at this the nubby-horned troll immediately looked to his feet, suddenly interested in his grey converse.

"Well, its obvious the incompetent douchebag that designed this fucking map obviously wasn't in the right state of mind," Karkat said, clutching the map of the academy in his left hand, "and I thought maybe one of you bulgelicking dickfuckers would have a melted enough human brain to actually be able to comprehend this pile of shit," he was still focusing on his shoes. It took me a moment to comprehend what he just asked.

"So, you're lost...?" I asked, trying not to smirk a bit. A short growl came from the short troll.

"If thats whats you want to call it," he mumbled indignantly. I looked over at the rest of the group. Rose had pulled out our own map and was giving it a once-over, John and Dave were still talking, and Jade was listening in on their conversation, all waiting patiently waiting for me to finish talking to Karkat.

"Hey! You don't mind if Karkat tags along right?" They all seemed to share glanced before Rose nodded.

"I see no reason not to let him join us,"  the violet-eyed teen spoke for all of us, though Jade seemed a little anxious for whatever reason.

"Cool, so now that all the reunions are over can we head over to the dorms before Dirk flips his shit, he's usually pretty chill but he was freaked earlier about meeting Harley's bro," Dave spoke up, hauling his bag over his shoulder and beginning to walk ahead.

"Dave, you're going in the wrong direction," Rose said, smirking gracing her lips. The blonde boy turned on his heels and headed back towards us.

"Riiight, well then, dearest sister, will you do the honors," Dave drawled, leaning forward in a half-bow while gesturing for Rose to take the lead. Rose rolled her eyes and tucked the neatly folded map into her pocket before beginning to walk forward, dragging her black suitcase behind her, her other bags stacked orderly on top and leaning against the smooth metal handle.
The others and I quickly followed, Karkat dragging his duffle bag along the ground as he trailed at the end of the group.